As I write this Robin Oleander is having a nap. The thing about naps is that you never know if you will have 20 minutes, 1 hour or more.
Robin turned 6 weeks yesterday and although I have been wanting to blog I have literally not had time since we brought him home from the hospital. There have been many times over the last 6 weeks I have wanted to write as an outlet for my rollercoaster emotions.
It may be naïve to say but I had no idea how hard having a baby would be. It is almost as if there is a big conspiracy not to tell people in case it would put all of humanity off having children. Now I am in the exclusive club where you seek solace and advice from other mums and you start to realise everyone goes through the tough start. I’ve lost count how many times I have been told “it will get better”. I am only now starting to believe them.
The amount of times I have said “I’m not cut out for this” as I cry and cry has been nuts. Doubting every little thing I am doing resulting in me feeling like I am a bad mother. Truth be told I have never really been that maternal. I’ve never really been interested in babies and throughout my whole pregnancy I was plagued with the fear that the maternal switch would never click into place. Some people are just naturally great with kids, I am not one of those people. However, it is just a MASSIVE adjustment period and I can say now 6 weeks on that yes I do love my son and yes I can do this. But believe me when I say it has been a rocky road to get here. Even now I look back and think “wow he is only 6 weeks” feels like forever and why? Because I have probably done more and overcome more in the last 6 weeks than I have ever!
Over the next few blog posts I will talk a bit more about how I have found the last few weeks, the ups, the downs and everything in between. Even now at 6 weeks I still have good days and bad days where I just want to burst into tears. Maybe you are reading this thinking “what the hell is she going on about?!” or maybe you yourself have recently experienced the same or are going through it. Whatever your point of view I hope you find some interest in my posts.